You’re at the restaurant, and the waiter is asking for your order.
How do you strike up a friendly — and more importantly, non-creepy — conversation?
Here are a few ways you could chat her (or him) up.
And to make the article more comprehensive, I interviewed two waitresses, Yuan Jun Tan and Cassandra Anne (thank you for your input!)
Comment on the crowd
As the waiter approaches your table, smile and say one of the following…
- “Busy/quiet day?”
- “When’s the busiest time for you guys?”
- “Is this the busiest time of the day?”
- “Wow, didn’t expect that many people today.”
This might seem like an obvious thing to say, but it signals your empathy for their work, which then makes them more receptive to chatting.
Get their name right
Addressing your waiter by their name is a sign of respect, and can make your dining experience a lot more enjoyable. Simply ask: “What’s your name?”
Once they share their name, you can build more rapport with one of these follow-up questions/comments:
- “How do I pronounce your name?”
- “<name> – did I say it right?”
- “What does your name mean?”
- Oh, cool — <someone you know> has the same name too.”
- “You have the same name as <celebrity name>!”(if you want to be playful)
Learn about the restaurant history
Even the most soulless chain restaurants like McDonald’s can vary from one outlet to another. (Check out this fascinating article on international MCD items.)
By learning more about the restaurant — through the waiter’s perspective — you will likely appreciate your food more.
You could ask something like…
- When did the restaurant open?
- Who’s the owner?
- Who’s the chef? (not a question you would ask at McDonald’s obviously)
- What’s unique about the restaurant/menu?
- Who comes here most often?
Get them to make recommendations
- “What’s the most popular dish here?”
- “What do people usually order here?”
- “What’s your favorite dish?”
- “What would you recommend?”
To make things easier for them, share what you like and get them to recommend dishes that would fit your taste.
If you want to be playful, you could ask one of the following questions:
- “What’s the one thing that you won’t recommend?”
- “Is there a secret menu?”
Thank them for the service
Waiters are the secret superheroes of restaurants: they usually juggle a variety of roles, whether it’s carrying plates, cleaning tables, or processing food delivery orders.
If the waiter is doing their job and even going above and beyond, express appreciation. A quick “thank you” would do, or you could say something like:
- “Thank you for the lovely meal!”
- “I really enjoyed my meal. Thank you!”
- That was the best <dish name> I’ve ever had. Thanks!’
The best way to thank them in my opinion though? Tip them well* and don’t be a jerk.
*Caveat: this might not be appropriate in some cultures.
Ask them about their work experience
Getting them to share their work history is a good “bridge topic” between small talk and a deeper conversation. Questions that you could ask include…
“Small talk” questions
- “How long have you been working here?”
- “When did you start working here?”
- “How long have you been a waiter?”
- “How many waiters does the restaurant have?”
Deeper questions
- “How is it like working here?”
- “What do you like the most about working here?”
- “What would make a perfect day at work?”
- “What was the craziest customer you dealt with?”
- “What’s your most memorable experience/moment as a waiter?”
- “What’s the most important quality of a waiter?”
- “Why did you choose to be a waiter?”
In my interview with her, Cassandra shared:
“The best conversations I have with customers are when they ask the reason why I do what I do. The question reminds me of how far I’ve come and the sacrifice I have to make to get to where I am today. The sole reason is: my family. Growing up, I didn’t like the idea of receiving money from my parents… right at the age of 18, I got my first job and I was finally capable of buying them meals and things too!”
PS – Alternate between asking questions and talking, so that they don’t feel pressured to answer one question after another 🙂
Ask them non-work questions
Once they get comfortable talking with you, you can open up the conversation and start getting to know them personally.
(Of course, make sure that there aren’t other customers waiting to be served — they are there to work after all.)
Here are a few helpful resources:
- Lists of conversation starters (organized by topic)
- 91 food conversation starters and questions to talk with anyone
- 25 useful phrases to keep a conversation going (and avoid awkward silence)
Small talk Qs if you’re a waiter/waitress
Now, if you’re a waiter/waitress, how do you make small talk with customers? Here’s what Cassandra and Yuan Jun respectively recommended:
- How’s your day?
- How can I help you?
- What would you like to have?
- How was the food?
- How did you find the restaurant?
Related articles