Yo. Did you know that 1 in 10 seniors uses dating apps?
My point is, seniors have the same needs as we all do. Age is only one difference among the many commonalities we share.
So how can you connect with a senior citizen and get to know them better? Here’s a list of meaningful conversation topics and questions:
Watch out for ageism
When you notice yourself making assumptions based on someone’s age, pause for a moment and ask yourself: “How would I say this if they weren’t a senior?”
Examples of ageism include but are not limited to” they can’t do a certain activity because of their age” or “they’re thinking that way because of their age”. (Here are other examples of ageism.)
So how do you communicate differently and respectfully?
Notice their continual growth and experimentation
With more leisure time on average, seniors could be even more adventurous than the young ones. Neuroscience research also shows that lifelong brain plasticity is more possible than ever, challenging previous evidence that our brains start shrinking as we age. Here are questions that you could ask:
- What’s the most interesting/surprising thing you learned recently?
- What have you changed your mind on recently?
- What’re you trying/exploring these days?
- What would you like to try/explore?
- Hypothetically, what career would you choose now?
- How do you think differently about [topic] now vs. when you were younger?
Talk about the “good old days”
Research suggests that nostalgia helps seniors feel less lonely, even if they have dementia. Encourage your elder friend/family member to recall positive memories by asking them one of the following questions:
- What do you miss about the past?
- What was your favorite memory growing up?
- What was your favorite hobby when you were younger?
- Who was the most popular singer when you were younger? // What was the most popular song when you were younger?
- What was the craziest thing you did when you were younger?
- When was the first time you traveled to another town/city/state/country? (What was it like?)
Tap into the fountain of their wisdom
While there are no conclusive findings just yet, some evidence shows that older people tend to be wiser. In fact, there’s a Chinese saying: “Having an elder at home is like having a treasure (家有一老，如有一宝).
Here’s how to learn from a senior’s experience.
Help them leave a legacy behind
For many, talking about death with seniors is a no-go. Research tells a different story, though! Old people are actually less scared about dying and are often more willing to talk about death. You can approach this taboo topic indirectly i.e. from the perspective of legacy:
- If you were to write a book, what would the most important lessons be?
- If you were to teach a class, what would the topic be and why?
- What’s your one piece of advice to young people/people you love?
- What message would you like to leave for me/your family/your friends/your community?
- What would you like to be remembered for?
- What would you like written on your tombstone?
Encourage them to think more positively about their age
According to a Yale study, older people who have more positive perceptions of aging lived 7.5 years longer. In other words, forget about miracle pills, start with your mind instead 🙂 So, how can you help a senior think about their age more constructively? Here are a few questions:
- What’s the best thing about getting older? // What’s a pleasant surprise about getting older?
- What do you enjoy about getting older?
- What part of you would you consider young?
- What could you do now that you couldn’t when you were younger?
- Now that you’re older, what do you like more about yourself?
- How would you define successful aging? (h/t to this study)
- What are your suggestions on how to age well? (h/t to this study)
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