Yawn.
If sleeping in a conversation was socially acceptable…
Wouldn’t that be nice?
I’m referring to boring conversations. They just aren’t fun when they appear… just like the nasty, nasty Caterpie in Pokemon:
Besides my hate for creepy crawly bugs, here’s my point: since boring conversations will come up at some point for you, why not learn to deal with ’em?
Here’s what you can do to end a boring conversation as politely as possible:
Accept that you’re bored
Feeling bored in a conversation isn’t a great feeling, especially when you’ve tried your best to get the other person to talk or listen. But the reality is — no matter how good your social skills are, no matter how deep your relationships are — you will run into boring conversations. It’s impossible to have fun, meaningful conversations all the time.
Having more realistic expectations can help you come to terms with your boredom, so that you can make your way out without feeling too guilty.
Let them know that you gotta go
Ideally, say that you are leaving now. This prevents them from keeping you longer, which can happen if they are on a rant or ramble. Make sure that you’re firm about your intention: “I have to go now.”
If you can’t leave immediately for whatever reason, tell them that you have to go by a specific time, say 5 minutes. When the time is up, just leave.
Do you need to say why you’re leaving? Not really. Expressing your intent to end the conversation is polite enough. But if you do want to give them a reason, here’s what you can say…
Share how you feel without blaming anyone
You can share that you’re bored without making anyone mad. How? Make it about you, not them. You could say something like:
- “Sorry, but my mind is wandering…”
- “Sorry, but I think I’m getting distracted…”
- “Sorry, but I’m finding it hard to pay attention…”
- “Sorry, but I’m not the most focused right now…”
By apologizing upfront that you aren’t the most engaged participant in the conversation, you’re taking ownership for your boredom without outright saying that you’re bored and making them feel bad. This also signals that you want to end the conversation.
Of course, if you don’t feel comfortable sharing how you feel, here’s what you can do instead:
Tell a lie for their benefit
Honesty isn’t always the best policy. In other words, lying isn’t always bad. Research shows that prosocial lying — lying with empathy or kindness for the other person — is OK.
How would this apply to a boring conversation? There will be times when the other person is sharing something that they are passionate or emotional about, and any hint of your disinterest can upset them.
This isn’t to say that you should tell a blatant lie, like “wow, what a great conversation!” Instead, give a legitimate reason to end the chat (when the real reason is that you were bored). For example, you have another meeting coming up, or you need to use the washroom. And, if you’re at a party, you could say that you’re going to get some food or drinks.
How to transform a boring conversation
It can be worth trying to revive the conversation. For example…
- If the conversation is boring because of a certain topic: Try changing topics. Share that you would like to talk about something instead. You can be direct (“Could we change topics”) or subtle (“By the way, I was wondering…”)
- If the conversation is boring because of the person’s personality: According to a study on what makes people boring, people we deem boring lack “interpersonal warmth and competence”. Hmm… this sounds like an introvert (which I was one for many years)? Here’s how to have a better conversation with an introvert.
- If the conversation is boring because you have nothing in common: This is a fairly common reason too, given that we live in a world of increasing diversity. This article could help.
Here are a few other relevant articles:
- 25 useful phrases to keep a conversation going (and avoid awkward silence)
- How to keep a conversation going when you don’t know what to say
- How to keep a conversation going with people you don’t like