Man. They can’t seem to stop talking.
The conversation was interesting at first, but now…
How do you end the conversation politely?
Here are a few ways:
Accept your irritation
Rather than lashing out at them or shutting down in conversation, here’s what you can choose to do instead: acknowledge how you feel.
It’s completely normal to be annoyed or angry about the seemingly endless stream of talking. After all, you are deprived of your need to share things that you’re interested in.
As you accept your emotions, here’s what you can do next…
Be mindful of the tendency to blame
When communicating with someone who talks too much, it’s easy to label them as inconsiderate if not disrespectful.
Based on my experience however, long-winded conversations are usually unintentional: the other party isn’t aware that they have been going on for some time. It’s because they are so focused on sharing what they want to share!
Ty Tashiro, a psychologist, explains:
“Some socially awkward people can talk ad nauseam about topics they’re passionate about.”
Try seeing beyond their personality or character. As a long-time collaborator of mine, Michael Simmons, shared:
“The Fundamental Attribution Error states that when we try to explain other people’s bad behavior, we tend to overemphasize their personality and underemphasize the situation they were in.”
Reframe the conversation
If there’s a silver lining about long-winded conversations, this might be it: they trust you enough to share what they feel or think at length.
For example, your grandpa might go on and on about his wartime tales, and while you’ve heard that for the 1,000th time, you’re one of the few people he feels comfortable opening up to.
That being said, how do you transition to end the conversation?
Interrupt and initiate your exit
While interrupting someone mid-speech can feel uncomfortable, it’s a better option than sitting there and tolerating the conversation. And, when they are in their own world talking away, it can be very hard to find a lull in the conversation… you can end up listening to them for hours!
To gently and effectively interrupt, acknowledge the interruption upfront. Say something like:
- “Sorry, but..”
- “I hate stopping you, but…”
- “I feel bad interrupting you, but…”
Then, start wrapping up the conversation with one of the following methods:
Acknowledge their interest in the topic
No matter how irritated you are, there’s room for recognition of their interest. In fact, thanking them for their sharing is a win-win: you make them feel heard, and you can transition easier to end the conversation. Here’s what you could say:
- “Thanks for sharing about [topic] at length… I appreciate it.”
- “I can tell that you’re really interested in [topic]… that’s awesome.”
- “I appreciate how passionate you are about [topic]…”
Practice the “bye and leave now” combo
To end long-winded conversations, be direct about your need to leave immediately.
Don’t leave any space for more chatting — even if it’s a few minutes — as that will keep you for much longer than you want. Why? The rambler/overtalker will likely launch into another enthusiastic outpouring. Politely tell them that you have to go now.
Be honest with the overtalker
Now, if the conversation or relationship is important to you, practice sharing how you feel — give them firm yet kind feedback on the spot.
First, state your intent to have a meaningful conversation, which helps frame your feedback in a kinder light. Then, share what you’re experiencing without shaming them. Finally, make a request of what they can do.
Putting it all together, here are a few examples of what you could say:
- “I’d love to keep listening, but I find it hard to process everything you’re saying. Could you slow down?”
- “I’m happy that you’re sharing all this with me, but I’m struggling to keep up. Mind if I chime in?”
- “I appreciate this conversation, but I feel overwhelmed by all the information. Could we talk about something else?”
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