Different worlds.
Different realities.
That’s what it can feel like, when you talk with someone who seemingly has nothing in common.
While conversations can be more challenging, there are multiple ways to connect with the other person regardless.
In this article, I will share more about how to do so.
It’s impossible to “have nothing in common”
There are 19.746 billion topics that you could bring up with anyone in the world.
I made up the number, obviously 🙂 But my point is, there’s bound to be something that you both enjoy talking about.
The more open you are towards connecting, the more likely you will find things in common. I’d recommend assuming that you have things in common, even if you have no idea what they are yet — that helps you stay present and curious in the conversation.
To suss out potential commonalities early on, I ask questions like:
- What’re you working on these days?
- How do you enjoy spending your time?
- What topics are you interested in?
- What do you care about?
(Here are more lifestyle-related questions and habit-related questions.)
Focus on what all humans share
After the first few months of interviewing strangers on the street, here’s what I realize…
We all feel happiness and sadness. We all have dreams and pains. (Even Dalai Lama lives with regret.)
In other words? No matter how successful or self-actualized you are, you go through the same rollercoaster of emotions as everyone else. No matter how different your goals might be from others, the drivers — hope and fear — are the same.
Here are lists of related questions to help you spark conversations:
Zero commonalities can be a major plus
Let’s play devil’s advocate and assume that you truly have nothing in common with the other person.
What do you do then?
Before I go into what you could do, let’s talk about mindset.
Talking with people different than you actually offers a lot of social benefits.
In fact, Dorie Clark, a Duke Fuqua professor and writer, recommended that we connect with people from different worlds — be it geographically (they’re from a foreign country) or professionals (they work in an obscure industry).
In her words: “
…those are often some of the most interesting and transformative relationships. Because they, in a very literal sense, provide you with a perspective that you would never get otherwise. They would introduce you to people and ideas that you would never get otherwise.“
If you’re starting to see the benefits of diverse relationships, here’s what to do next.
Listen and ask questions
Having a common interest does make conversations a lot easier, but it’s not a must-have. You can have fun back-and-forths by simply listening to each other and asking great questions.
Create an experience together
Sharing experiences is arguably the best way to create commonalities and build meaningful relationships.
Here are a few simple ideas that you can try incorporating into your next conversation:
- Take a walk (inspired by Steve Jobs)
- Ask deep questions
- Play a card game
- Sing a song together
- Meet at a unique location that you both haven’t been to, say an old building that’s converted into a cafe
Of course, it’s even easier if you’re already sharing an experience — say you’re attending the same conference. That’s why I love going to events and talking folks up 🙂
Useful phrases to keep the conversation going
These phrases are especially helpful when you get nervous, since they are simple and will work for any conversation you have.
25 useful phrases to keep a conversation going (and avoid awkward silence)