Will they think I’m weird or creepy?
What if they don’t want to talk?
What do I even say!?
Want to start a conversation with strangers at weddings, improve your social skills and even meet a cute guy/gal?
Having approached thousands of strangers, I know firsthand that talking with strangers can be nerve-wracking for a few reasons.
- Social rejection: Not everyone wants to talk with someone they don’t know.
- Beautiful strangers: People tend to dress and socialize at their best, which can make you feel intimidated.
- Social anxiety/awkwardness/shyness: This makes it a lot harder to go up to a stranger.
That being said, starting a conversation with someone you don’t know is way easier than you think.
More importantly, it can help you overcome your fear and become more confident — no matter what social situation you walk into. It’s that handy of a social skill 🙂
What makes me uniquely qualified to write about this?
I’ve had social anxiety since young, and while I love therapy, talking to strangers is the No. 1 thing that helped me become less anxious and awkward around people.
Over the last ten years — across three continents — I’ve started conversations with thousands of strangers. I’ve also interviewed well over 700 people for my projects (namely a street journalism project and a book).
Speaking about my experience talking with strangers at TEDx!
I still get nervous when talking to people I don’t know, but it’s a fraction of the crippling fear I had back then. In this article, I will share step-by-step how you can talk to strangers in a restaurant.
Why talk to strangers at a wedding?
1. People are more open to talking than usual.
Weddings are occasions of joy and gratitude, as they bring families and friends together.
And if you’re single, this is a great time to get to know a cute guy/girl. (Just make sure that they don’t have a ring on their finger 🙂
2. The more you talk with strangers, the better you will get at it.
Just like public speaking or party hosting, talking with strangers is a skill that you can practice and improve.
At weddings, you might even notice a quicker improvement, since you get multiple opportunities to practice being social in a fun environment.
3. You have a natural topic to start conversations with: the wedding!
How do you start a conversation? (5 easy, proven ways)
OK, you said hi… what do you say next?
Here are a few conversation starters I like using. Notice that 1) they aren’t complicated or fancy, since your mind can go blank when you’re nervous. 2) they are environment-specific, which helps you sound natural.
Use or modify any of them based on your preferences!
1. Ask them about how they’re related to the bride/groom.
- “How do you know the bride/groom?”
- “How’re you related to the bride/groom?”
This is an easy and fun conversation starter, since it opens up the possibility of them telling you stories about how they got to know the bride/groom.
And if you both know the bride/groom, even better! You could trade funny or meaningful anecdotes, which can deepen the conversation very quickly.
You could ask something like:
- “What’s your favorite memory of the bride/groom?”
- “What’s your favorite story of the bride/groom?”
2. Compliment them on their attire.
- “You look great in <that dress/suit>!”
- “I love the <garment/accessory> that you’re wearing!”
This is an incredibly effective conversation starter for two reasons:
a) most people try to look good when attending weddings — dress shopping anxiety is a thing
b) Our brain loves compliments as much as monetary rewards, as a psychology study reveals.
You could praise them on their fashion sense, or a specific garment or accessory they’re wearing.
You can then follow up by asking where they got their dress/suit/accessory.
(Heck, you could even trade fashion tips!)
3. Ask them about their opinion on the food or drinks.
- “How do you find the <food/drinks> so far?”
- “Did you like <a specific dish/drink>?”
- “Have you tried <a specific dish/drink>?”
Everyone has something to say about food or drinks 🙂
4. Offer to get them some food or drinks.
- “Can I get you something to eat/drink?”
- “Need some <food/drinks>?”
This is a low-effort conversation starter, since it’s a simple offer to help — all they have to do is say yes or no.
Even if they don’t need assistance, that’s alright. Why? Being helpful is proven to make you and others feel good, which then makes it easier to open up to one another.
5. Ask them about their past/favorite wedding experiences.
- “When was the last wedding you attended?”
- “What’s your favorite part of a wedding?”
This helps you learn a bit more about their life history as well as preferences. Alternatively, you could say:
“Man, it’s been <years/months> since I attended a wedding. How about you?”
Other tips to make it easier to start a conversation
1. Talk with people one-on-one vs. in groups.
Group conversations can be a whole different beast, as you need to know how to jump into a conversation and take turns to talk.
Notice who’s sitting by themselves, and ask if you could join them:
- “Sorry to bother you, but can I sit beside you?”
- “Mind if I join you?”
2. Ask for an introduction.
- “Who would you recommend talking to?”
- “Anyone interesting I should talk to?”
If you find it too hard to approach wedding guests, ask for an introduction.
The bride or groom will be your best bet. You could also ask the emcee if they know anyone you should talk to.
3. Introduce them to other people.
- “Have you met <wedding guest name>? I think you will like talking to them.”
- “<wedding guest #1>, meet <wedding guest #2>”
You could introduce them to:
- Other wedding guests: if you spoke with another wedding guest, you could play the role of the connector and increase your social brownie points 🙂
Ideally, you would highlight something they have in common to help them ease into the conversation. - The bride/groom: if they don’t happen to know her/him.
4. Raise a toast.
- “Cheers!”
- “Let’s celebrate <the newlyweds’ names>!”
- “To <the newlyweds’ names>!”
Tired of saying hi? Say cheers and clink glasses instead.
You don’t necessarily have to give a proper toast speech or even stand up; just look at whoever’s sitting next to you and raise your glass — they will get the prompt.
This raises the odds of a fun conversation. And, even if they don’t seem receptive to chatting further, you can gratefully exit after the toast.
5. Invite them to dance.
- “Do you like dancing?”
- “Wanna go dance?”
Have some dancing moves to bust out? Invite a fellow guest and show ’em what you got 🙂
This can be scarier than starting a conversation, but the benefits outweigh the initial fear. Research shows that dancing significantly reduces anxiety, and also helps you feel closer to your dance partner, leading to deeper relationships.
When is it appropriate to dance? There’s usually a wedding party dance — the timing will depend on the order of events.
If not, you can always dance impromptu when the music is playing (and when no one is giving a speech).
At my cousin’s wedding, I even got my uncles to dance on stage with me heh. Here’s proof: