Want to improve your social skills?
Talk to strangers.
If you learn how to talk to strangers, you can talk with pretty much anyone.
Now here’s the “secret”:
Not all strangers are made equal.
Some strangers are just a lot less intimidating to talk with.
Enter store clerks/cashiers!
Steven Ritchey, a former grocery store cashier, commented:
“Some of the most fun times involved regular customers that got in my line all the time. We’d laugh, cut up, tease each other.”
I’ve chatted up store workers over the years, and here are a few tips that have worked best. You will notice that most of these tips are really, really simple, and I will explain why that’s the case.
Say hi and smile
A big mistake most folks make is skipping the small talk, or trying to be too clever in small talk.
Yes, you can be creative, but when you’re nervous, it’s way easier to keep things simple and direct.
Saying hi also helps you gauge early on if they are open to chatting a bit more.
Ask them for help
- “Where can I find [item name]?”
- “I’m looking for [item name]… do you know where it is?”
This is an underrated conversation starter. Why? It’s not uncommon for them to walk you over to the aisle and hand you the product, which gives you more time to talk to them.
Comment on their day
Another way to test if they’re open to chatting?
Ask them about their day. There are many ways to go about it, depending on the crowd and time of day:
- “Quiet [morning/afternoon/evening] so far?”
- “Looks like it’s a busy day/evening for you?”
- “Wow, didn’t expect that many people today/tonight.”
If they brush off the comment, that’s OK — give them space and approach them on another day.
Ask what their name is
“What’s your name?”
If they have a name tag, ask them how to pronounce their names correctly. (Exception: if the name is a simple one like John…)
- “How do I pronounce your name?”
- “[their name] – did I say it right?”
You could also be curious and ask “so what does your name mean?”
This sounds like such a basic tip, but it’s underrated. Why? From my experience, once they’re willing to disclose their names —something small about themselves— it’s a lot easier to get them to share other things. (This is known as the foot-in-the-door effect in psychology.)
Make it a point to remember their name, and call them by their name when you visit next time — you will get better service and better conversations.
Compliment them personally
Everyone appreciates a compliment, especially if it’s a sincere one. In fact, research shows that people underestimate how good others feel when being complimented.
What do you compliment them on? Not their looks, please (even if you’re trying to hit on them). Here are a few things I’d look out for instead:
- If they have a cool hair color or hairstyle (appearance-related, but still OK to say based on my experience)
- If they’re wearing an interesting personal accessory, for example an old watch or a colorful brooch
- If they have tattoos (tattoos are typically imbued with meaning)
Your compliment can be as easy as “nice [thing you noticed]”. Specific enough to make an impression, but not too specific that it comes across as awkward or creepy.
Ask them about their work experience
If they have been open to some small talk, try going a bit deeper by asking them about what got them working here.
Just make sure that there aren’t other customers waiting to be served — they are there to work after all, and fast-paced retail environments aren’t ideal for meaningful conversations.
Here are questions you could ask, depending on the level of rapport:
“Small talk” questions
- “How long have you been working here?”
- “How long have you been a cashier?”
- “What got you working here?”
Deeper questions
- “What’s your favorite part of working here?” // “What do you like the most about working here?”
- “How is it like working here?”
- “What would make a perfect day for you?”
- “What was the craziest customer you dealt with?”
- “What’s your most memorable experience/moment as a cashier?”
Alternate between asking questions and talking, so that they don’t feel pressured to answer one question after another 🙂
Ask them non-work questions
Once they get comfortable talking with you, you can open up the conversation and start getting to know them personally.
There are too many ways to continue the conversation from here, so I’m not gonna try… but here are two helpful resources:
- Lists of conversation starters (organized by topic)
- 25 useful phrases to keep a conversation going (and avoid awkward silence)
Related articles