Will they think I’m weird or creepy?
What if they don’t want to talk?
What do I even say!?
Want to talk to strangers and improve your social skills?
Having approached thousands of strangers, I know firsthand that talking with strangers can be nerve-wracking:
- Social rejection: Not everyone wants to talk with someone they don’t know. A good % of people will turn you down.
- Social anxiety/awkwardness/shyness: This makes it a lot harder to go up to a stranger.
That being said, starting a conversation with someone you don’t know is way easier than you think 🙂
1. Most people are comfortable sharing about themselves, and many actually love doing so. (Provided that it’s in the right environment and context!)
2. The more you talk with strangers, the better you will get at it. Just like public speaking or party hosting, talking with strangers is a skill that you can practice and improve.
More importantly, it can help you overcome your fear and become more confident — no matter what social situation you walk into. It’s that handy of a social skill 🙂
What makes me uniquely qualified to write about this?
I’ve had social anxiety since young, and while I love therapy, talking to strangers is the No. 1 thing that helped me become less anxious and awkward around people.
Over the last ten years — across three continents — I’ve started conversations with thousands of strangers. I’ve also interviewed well over 700 people for my projects (namely a street journalism project and a book).
Speaking about my experience talking with strangers at TEDx!
I still get nervous when talking to people I don’t know, but it’s a fraction of the crippling fear I had back then.
In this article, I will share step-by-step how you can talk to strangers at a bookstore.
Why talk to strangers at the bookstore?
A bookstore is an excellent place to practice talking to strangers.
Why?
1. People aren’t usually rushing in and out of bookstores, which means they are more receptive to having a conversation.
And, if you’re an avid reader like me, you probably enjoy browsing random books.
2. You have a natural topic to start conversations with: reading! (This gets even better if you are into the same genre.)
How do you start a conversation? (4 easy, proven ways)
OK, you said hi… what do you say next?
Here are a few conversation starters I like using. Notice that 1) they aren’t complicated or fancy, since your mind can go blank when you’re nervous. 2) they are environment-specific, which helps you sound natural.
Use or modify any of them based on your preferences!
1. Ask for directions
“I’m looking for books on this topic/by this author. Do you know where I can find them?”
Easy conversation starter — doesn’t require the person to share anything personal about themselves. I recommend asking this if you feel particularly nervous at the moment, or if you just want a quick “warm-up conversation”.
2. Ask for their opinion on what they’re reading.
- “Do you recommend <name of the book they’re reading>?”
- “Is that a good book? I was thinking about getting it…”
A natural conversation starter if they’re reading a book.
Alternatively, you could compliment them on their book choice, for example, “that’s a great book!” or “I really enjoyed reading it…”
3. Ask for a book recommendation
“I’m looking for books on this topic/by this author. What would you recommend?”
While this can be a hit-or-miss — since it depends on what the other person has read — I like this conversation starter because it can lead to more meaningful conversations (people can get fairly passionate about their favorite book genre!)
I’d recommend asking this if they are browsing at a specific book section. You can follow up by asking “why” or recommending a relevant book too.
4. Ask about their favorite book/author.
- “What’s your favorite book/author?”
- “What’s one book that changed your life?”
- “What’s one book that you think everyone should read?”
This can lead to deep conversations as well. You can definitely ask this question right off the bat, though I’d recommend asking this once you make some small talk.
If they respond positively, you can follow up by sharing your own favorite book and/or asking “why”.
Other tips to make it easier to start a conversation
1. Preemptively apologize for interrupting.
“Sorry to interrupt your reading, but…”
When you’re going deep into a book, being interrupted can be a bit off-putting. Acknowledging the interruption will prevent them from feeling annoyed.
2. Approach browsers instead of readers.
Same logic as above. Having said that, I wouldn’t rule out talking to readers — you never know!
3. Approach people at your favorite book section.
Having an interest in the genre might help you feel less nervous. And, if you’re both into the same genre, the mutual enthusiasm will fuel the conversation.
4. Talk to the bookstore clerk.
Their job is to help customers, after all.