Will they think I’m weird or creepy?
What if they don’t want to talk?
What do I even say!?
Want to talk to strangers and improve your social skills?
Having approached thousands of strangers, I know firsthand that talking with strangers can be nerve-wracking:
- Social rejection: Not everyone wants to talk with someone they don’t know. A good % of people will turn you down.
- Social anxiety/awkwardness/shyness: This makes it a lot harder to go up to a stranger.
That being said, starting a conversation with someone you don’t know is way easier than you think 🙂
1. Most people are comfortable sharing about themselves, and many actually love doing so. (Provided that it’s in the right environment and context!)
2. The more you talk with strangers, the better you will get at it. Just like public speaking or party hosting, talking with strangers is a skill that you can practice and improve.
More importantly, it can help you overcome your fear and become more confident — no matter what social situation you walk into. It’s that handy of a social skill 🙂
In this article, I will share step-by-step how you can talk to strangers in a restaurant.
Why talk to strangers in a restaurant?
1. People are usually in a better mood to chat.
Research shows that food — especially comfort food — makes us happy.
That’s why Keith Ferrazzi, the author of Never Eat Alone, recommended breaking bread with professional contacts to build business relationships.
2. You have a natural topic to start conversations with: food! (My suspicion is that most people are foodies, so there 🙂
How do you start a conversation? (4 easy, proven ways)
OK, you said hi… what do you say next?
Here are a few conversation starters I like using. Notice that 1) they aren’t complicated or fancy, since your mind can go blank when you’re nervous. 2) they are environment-specific, which helps you sound natural.
Use or modify any of them based on your preferences!
1. Ask about what they are eating.
- “That looks good!! What is it?”
- “Is it good?”
- “Ah, I should have ordered that…”
I love this conversation starter because it’s a win either way. If they like their food, they will be more than happy to talk about it. If they don’t… well you got them to talk! 🙂
2. Ask if they are regulars.
- “Have you been here before?”
- “Do you come here often?”
This is a great conversation starter because it’s a simple close-ended question (yes/no), and it sets you up for follow-up questions.
For example, if you’re a regular too, you can talk about your mutual love for the restaurant.
You can also solicit recommendations — see below.
3. Ask them for recommendations.
- “What would you recommend me getting?
- “What’s your favorite dish/drink here?”
If they are familiar with the restaurant, this works especially well.
You can also be playful by asking the opposite:
“What should I NOT get here?”
4. Ask them about how they found the restaurant.
- “How did you find this restaurant?”
- “How did you hear about this place?”
Discovering new restaurants is a fairly popular pastime. And, the discovery process is inherently social.
Square’s 2018 survey of 1,800 US customers reveals:
“When it comes to trying a new restaurant, nearly half of respondents said they are most likely to ask friends and family for a recommendation.
The second-most preferred method of finding a restaurant is through an online review posted by customers.”
Other tips to make it easier to start a conversation
1. Pay attention to their eating behavior.
- Are they wolfing down food, which might mean that they are in a hurry?
- Are they eating while watching their phones?
2. Share a table (or offer to do so).
This is especially common in China, Japan, and Germany.
In other countries, this will vary depending on the person’s sense of personal space — having a meal can be an intimate affair, after all.
Still, this can be a fantastic way to spark conversations, as an anthropologist shared on Quora:
“I once had an old guy ask if he could sit down at my table in a Starbucks in Beijing…. We had an amazing conversation and I learned a lot.”
3. Talk to the waiter
Unless they are trying to get on Kitchen’s Nightmares, the average waiter or waitress is there to make sure you have what you need.
I love asking them for their personal favorites, as they are more likely to know what to get on the menu.
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