Will they think I’m weird or creepy?
What if they don’t want to talk?
What do I even say!?
Want to talk to strangers and improve your social skills?
Having approached thousands of strangers, I know firsthand that talking with strangers can be nerve-wracking:
- Social rejection: Not everyone wants to talk with someone they don’t know. A good % of people will turn you down.
- Social anxiety/awkwardness/shyness: This makes it a lot harder to go up to a stranger.
That being said, starting a conversation with someone you don’t know is way easier than you think 🙂
What makes me uniquely qualified to write about this?
I’ve had social anxiety since young, and while I love therapy, talking to strangers is the No. 1 thing that helped me become less anxious and awkward around people.
Over the last ten years — across three continents — I’ve started conversations with thousands of strangers. I’ve also interviewed well over 700 people for my projects (namely a street journalism project and a book).
Speaking about my experience talking with strangers at TEDx!
In this article, I will share step-by-step how you can talk to strangers on the street.
Why talk to strangers on the street?
Talking with strangers can help you overcome your fear and become more confident — no matter what social situation you walk into.
It’s that handy of a social skill 🙂
That being said, starting a conversation on the street can be challenging, since
a) people are usually dashing from one place to another
b) many of us have had the unpleasant experience of being approached by a street promoter.
Even with the challenges, you can have a delightful conversation on the street. Here’s why:
Many people are actually open to talking.
While I’ve had my fair share of rejections, a lot more people said yes to chatting. Why is that the case?
From my experience, we love connecting with people we don’t know — even if we feel worried or scared at first.
Research backs this up too. Gillian Sandstrom, a psychologist who studies social interactions between strangers, shared in an interview:
“…over and over again, I find that people enjoy their conversations much more than they expect to.”
How do you start a conversation? (4 easy, proven ways)
Notice that 1) they aren’t complicated or fancy, since your mind can go blank when you’re nervous. 2) they are environment-specific, which helps you sound natural.
Use or modify any of them based on your preferences!
1. Say hi!
As obvious as this might sound, you can immediately gauge if the person is open to chatting or not. If this feels awkward, you could simply smile and see if they smile back at you.
2. Ask for directions.
- “Is <location name> nearby?”
- “Where is <location name>?”
This is an easy conversation starter as well: getting lost is not uncommon — even in a world of GPS 🙂 — most people will be happy to help you out.
3. Ask for restaurant/cafe/bar recommendations.
- “Is there a restaurant/cafe/bar nearby that you would recommend?”
- “Would you recommend this restaurant/cafe/bar?”
This reveals a bit more about their personal preferences, which is always fun to discover.
You can follow up by asking why they recommended the restaurant/cafe/bar, or what you should try on the menu.
Other tips to make it easier to start a conversation
1. Acknowledge the interruption.
As I mentioned, people are more likely to be guarded — you will want to psychologically disarm them by apologizing upfront. For example:
- “Excuse me…”
- “Sorry to interrupt, but…”
- “Sorry to bother you, but…”
2. See if they have open body language.
Signs of open body language include:
- They look back at you (vs. shunning your gaze)
- They are smiling or laughing
- They nod at you, acknowledging your presence
3. Talk to the slow walkers.
If they seem like they are rushing off somewhere, they might not be receptive to chatting. And if they speed up as you walk towards them, it’s a no-go too.
4. Avoid busy spots on the street.
When you’re in a crowd, it’s a lot harder to stop and talk. Similarly, avoid areas that have music blaring.