For many years, I was introverted and socially anxious.
While I’m a lot more extroverted now, I still spend a lot of time reflecting and writing.
In this article, I will share how you can talk to an introvert or even a shy person, and get them to share more about themselves:
Introversion is only a part of who they are
When you only see them as introverts, you miss out on the other qualities that make them unique, which leads to my next point:
Introverts love talking too (find their favorite topic!)
Didn’t expect that, didn’t you? 🙂
Sure, some people might be more introverted than others, but it really depends on context: what situation they’re in, or what topic they’re engaging in.
If you put together a bunch of introverts who are passionate about MMA, they will very likely be rowdy.
As journalist and entrepreneur Shane Show wrote in his article:
“The introversion <> extroversion spectrum has been a mainstay of personality psychology research for decades. That’s in part because it’s easy to ask people about. But psychologists admit that the standard test for introversion/extroversion typically only tells us how people feel and behave in an average situation. It doesn’t account for scenarios like staff meetings vs. happy hours vs. public speeches.”
So how do you find out what they are truly interested in?
Listen to what they say and ask follow-up questions — simple as that. I wrote more about this here:
25 useful phrases to keep a conversation going (and avoid awkward silence)
I’ve also put together various lists of conversation starters – check them out here.
Slow down the pace of the conversation
In other words, be comfortable with a bit more silence, since they might take more time to think before responding.
If you ask a question or share something, pause for a few extra seconds, so that they can process what you said. The silence is good for you too, according to research.
Do more of the talking and asking at first
If they seem uncomfortable sharing about themselves, take the lead and give them time to warm up.
(Of course, make sure to pass the “talking baton” back to them too, so you don’t end up doing a monologue 🙂
Acknowledge their social needs
Introverted people might tire out faster. If you feel that the conversation is dying out, why not end the conversation right then and there? That way, you’re not bored, and they don’t feel forced to keep talking.
Here’s how you can leave the conversation gracefully:
- “It’s been fun chatting with you. Let’s talk again soon?”
- “This has been lovely! Let’s do this again.”
- “Anything else you wanna share before we go?”
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