For many years, I was introverted and socially anxious.
After enjoying countless conversations and hanging out with party animals very cheerful friends, I’m now much more extroverted (yes, changing is possible)
So what do you have to pay attention to when talking to an extrovert?
Extroversion is only a part of who they are
It’s easy to put extroverts on a pedestal, especially when society can seem to favor extroverts.
And if you’re introverted or shy, it can feel intimidating to talk with someone who is seemingly a natural at conversations.
Remember that extroverts have the same fears and insecurities as you. In other words, they are human beings too — surprise 🙂
When you overfocus on their extroversion, it’s easy to miss out on other things that you have in common. (Check out these conversation starters.)
Extroverts are capable of introspecting too
The extrovert label comes with a lot of stereotypes. The one that comes to mind right away is that they’re always the life of the party
The darker version of it? They aren’t able to listen and reflect.
Nah. Not true.
Here’s what I’ve found to be accurate instead: their behavior can change based on context. For example, I love hanging out with people six days a week, but there’s at least one day that I need my me-time.
As journalist and entrepreneur Shane Show wrote in his article:
“The introversion <> extroversion spectrum has been a mainstay of personality psychology research for decades. That’s in part because it’s easy to ask people about. But psychologists admit that the standard test for introversion/extroversion typically only tells us how people feel and behave in an average situation. It doesn’t account for scenarios like staff meetings vs. happy hours vs. public speeches.”
What does this mean for you? When you chat with someone who’s more extroverted, drop the assumption that they won’t love deeper conversations.
Ask them a thoughtful question, and you’ll most likely be pleasantly surprised.
Interrupt when needed
OK, let’s play devil advocate and throw out what I wrote in #2. Say you do find that extroverted people match the stereotype of talking too much and not listening enough.
So what do you do? Two things:
- Understand that they don’t do this intentionally. From my experience, overtalking isn’t an extrovert problem, it’s a social awareness problem. And more importantly, they aren’t doing it to annoy you (though the frustration you feel is 100% valid)
- Learn how to interrupt, if you want to contribute to the conversation equally. Interrupting someone might seem rude or awkward, but it’s better than listening to someone reluctantly. Soften your interruption by saying “Sorry to interrupt, but…”
Acknowledge your social needs
Whether you’re extroverted or introverted, honoring your own needs is critical.
If you’re getting drained, you can choose to leave the conversation. Don’t stay on just because you feel obliged to.
Here are a few examples of how to leave a conversation gracefully:
- “This has been a great conversation but I’m getting tired… Let’s chat again soon?”
- “I feel bad saying this, but I’m getting tired… I’d love to chat again. When are you free next?”
Related article:
How to keep a conversation going with an introvert