When it’s too loud to talk, what do you do?
How do you still have a decent conversation without losing your attention or theirs?
Whether music is blaring over your head or your next-door neighbors are celebrating god-knows-what, here are a few tips to keep chatting despite the noise:
Move to a quieter spot (or leave the venue)
This might not be possible, since it’s very much location-dependent:
- If you’re at a restaurant or cafe, ask the waiter if they could find you a quiet table. If it’s too noisy still, consider a different venue if possible. (Sadly, more and more restaurants are designed to be louder… believe it or not, noisy restaurant environments can actually increase profit!)
- If you’re in the office, find an empty room, close your room door, or walk outside the office. (If you can get noise-canceling headphones beforehand, that’s even better.)
Request to turn down the volume
This might or might not be possible. See the following common scenarios:
- Is the music too loud? Ask the venue manager or party host if they could turn it down a notch. Here’s how I’d say it without making them defensive:
“We’re having a great time here, but we can’t hear each other due to the music. Would it be possible to turn down the volume — even if it’s a tiny bit?” - Are the people near you too loud? If you can’t move away from them, ask whoever’s in charge to help. I’d also consider talking to them directly. Here’s what I might say:
“I’m sorry to interrupt you, but we’re having a hard time hearing each other…” or “I hate to be a party pooper, but…”
It might feel uncomfortable to set boundaries in public, but most people are fairly reasonable (…unless they are drunk.)
Talk slower (or pause!)
You could talk louder, but it’s easy to strain your voice without proper training. Try talking a bit slower instead, so that they have more time to catch your words. But how?
Emphasize the important words that you want the other person to get. Jamie Chapman, a principal coach at London Speech Workshop, said:
“If you’re really using the words that you need to highlight for your listener, then you’ll find that you can’t go too fast.”
If you find it hard to talk slower, try pausing instead. In a 2011 study, people who frequently paused were more persuasive than those who didn’t.
Barack Obama is the epitome of effective pausing — check out the first few minutes of his speech and you will see what I mean.
Exaggerate your pronunciation
By pronouncing your words more intentionally or forcefully, you make it easy for others to understand what you say.
(If you want to improve your pronunciation, here’s a resource by my speech coach.)
Talk about less serious topics
If you’re having a serious discussion, this might not be the time to do it. Consider postponing the discussion or switching to other topics. Here’s how to ask your conversation partner:
- “I know that this is an important topic, and I’d love to keep talking, but I can’t quite hear you. Could we talk about this later [on a specific day and time]?” OR
- “I’d love to hear you out, but I’m having a hard time listening due to the noise. Could we set up [a specific day and time] to talk about this again?”
Move closer toward your conversation partner
Ask permission to be physically closer — you might very well intrude into their personal space. You could say, “Sorry, I’m having a hard time hearing you… could I sit a bit closer to you?”
You could also consider one of the following options:
- Instead of sitting across from each other, sit side by side to close the distance.
- Lean forward, or ask them to lean forward.
- Turn your ear towards them.