Most of us spend at least 8 hours at work… and that’s not including commute time!
With the bulk of our days — our lives, really — dedicated to work, we might as well make friends with our colleagues. It makes work much more delightful and meaningful. Research shows that work friendships are the biggest influence on our happiness at work.
Your work relationships also open up doors for your career. As Sukhinder Singh Cassidy, the first General Manager for Google Local & Maps, wrote in her book:
“When it comes to opportunities, our bosses, colleagues and associates comprise our single best career network… Our greatest chance of finding an exciting new career opportunity comes from our deepest professional connections.”
So how can you spark conversations — and new work friendships — with your colleagues? Here are a few strategies:
Ask and memorize their name
If you don’t know them yet, introduce yourself and ask for their name. Make sure that you memorize their name or write it down somewhere. Why?
The next time you bump into them, address them by their name — this instantly builds familiarity and makes them feel appreciated. A study showed that people whose personal details were forgotten felt less close to the culprits.
Embrace the watercooler banter (10 easy questions)
For the productivity-obsessed superstar, watercooler chat can feel like a time-waster. Why bother?
But here’s what they’re missing out on: an opportunity to know their colleagues better, and even be more productive! Alex “Sandy” Pentland, the founding faculty director of the MIT Connection Science Research Initiative, calls this the “water cooler effect“:
“…much of the important information about how to be successful and productive at a job is not going to be found in a memo or an employee handbook, but rather around the water cooler.”
Here’s a list of questions to make small talk at the watercooler or coffee room:
- How was the commute today?
- How’s your day going so far?
- What’re you getting for lunch?
- Any lunch spot recommendations?
- Wanna go get lunch/coffee?
- Doing anything after work?
- How was your weekend?
- Did anything fun over the weekend?
- Looking forward to the weekend?
- Any vacation plans?
And here’s a more expansive list of conversation topics and questions:
Conversation starters with new friends, or people you just met
(Now, when things get too hectic, you might not have time for a coffee/tea break even. Meetings are then your opportunities to briefly connect with your colleague.)
Invite them to lunch
While watercooler banter is fun, the best time for a deeper conversation is when you have a work lunch or happy hour drink together.
Breaking bread is one of the best ways to bond professionally, according to Keith Ferrazzi, the author of Never Eat Alone. In fact, research shows that work meals with your colleague help you both perform a lot better!
Over the meal, share your respective work goals & challenges. This does two things: you get to better process your emotions about work, especially difficult ones, and you also find ways to support each other (even if it’s in the future.)
If you’re too shy to ask a colleague, just hang out at your company cafeteria or cafe, and talk to whoever’s sitting beside you.
Proactively offer your support
According to research, helping others is the No. 1 factor of meaningful work. So how can you support your colleague?
You could assist on trivial matters — picking up their photocopied document, for instance — or you could provide emotional support. If you notice that a colleague is working overtime, or just seems stressed, reach out and see if you could do anything for them. Here’s what you could say:
- “You seem stressed/down… would you like to chat?”
- “Can I get you something to eat or drink?”
- “Is there anything I can do to help/support?”
Even if they don’t feel comfortable disclosing what they’re going through, they will still appreciate the gesture.
Ask for advice
Why ask for advice? Well, you could be running behind on a project, or you’re just feeling lost about your professional development. Heck, you might not even need a reason… learning from others is a fantastic way to strengthen any relationship!
For role-specific challenges, it might be best to talk with an experienced colleague in your team. For career direction, why not model a superstar colleague?
Share positive company rumors/news
Gossip is how we spread useful information and enforce group cooperation. In fact, a study shows that positive workplace gossip can boost your mental health. Elena Martinescu, a King’s College London researcher, said:
“I think gossiping can be a smart thing to do… It allows people to keep track of what’s going on and form social alliances with other people.”
Minimize negative gossip since it can hurt your mental health and even reputation. On the other hand, positive gossip makes you — and even the gossiped — feel good, according to research. Here are examples of good news that you can share with your colleague:
- A colleague got promoted, or achieved something impressive
- The end-of-year bonus might be bigger than last year
- The company is releasing a brand-new product soon
- There’s a new cafe near the office
You can grab your colleague’s attention by leading with “do you know that…” or “have you heard about…”
How to welcome a new colleague
If you’ve been around for some time, why not help new colleagues get integrated into the workplace culture? By giving them a warm welcome, you start the work friendship on a positive note.
First, introduce yourself:
“Hi! Welcome to [company]. I’m [name], and I’m [role].”
Next, here’s what you could do:
- Locate your respective work desks (so that you know where to find each other)
- Introduce them to other colleagues (help them make more work buddies!)
- Recommend your favorite cafe/restaurant for work lunches (you can even invite them for a coffee/meal later, as I mentioned)
How to build remote work friendships
I’ve spent most of my career working and managing remotely, and here are a few tips:
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- Schedule informal conversations: Being in the same office makes it easier to build work friendships. In a remote working culture, you really do have to set aside time to connect personally.
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- Hang around the company’s virtual watercooler: This could simply be an email thread, a Whatsapp group, or, a secret Slack channel — whatever that gives you the privacy to chat away. Lurking around is fine, but I’d recommend taking the lead in sharing personal updates and asking thought-provoking questions. When your name is a familiar presence, conversations will organically happen.
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- Participate in team retreats: Hanging out in person for a few days is 100x more powerful than mastering the art of Slack banter. If your company isn’t organizing retreats, suggest to your colleague to meet up at an industry conference, and see if the business can foot the traveling expenses.
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