If you’re in college or university, you probably want to make new friends. You see all these people that you don’t know… how do you approach them?
Will they think I’m weird or creepy?
What if they don’t want to talk?
What do I even say!?
Having approached thousands of strangers, I know firsthand that talking with strangers can be nerve-wracking:
- Social rejection: Not everyone wants to talk with someone they don’t know. A good % of people will turn you down.
- Social anxiety/awkwardness/shyness: This makes it a lot harder to go up to a stranger.
That being said, starting a conversation on campus is way easier than you think 🙂
1. Most people are comfortable sharing about themselves, and many actually love doing so. (Provided that it’s in the right environment and context!)
2. Most university or college students want to make new friends too. Chances are, they are too introverted or anxious to start a conversation.
3. The more you talk with strangers, the better you will get at it. Just like public speaking or party hosting, talking with strangers is a skill that you can practice and improve.
More importantly, it can help you overcome your fear and become more confident — no matter what social situation you walk into. It’s that handy of a social skill 🙂
What makes me uniquely qualified to write about this?
I’ve had social anxiety since young, and while I love therapy, talking to strangers is the No. 1 thing that helped me become less anxious and awkward around people.
Speaking about my experience talking with strangers at TEDx!
Over the last ten years — across three continents — I’ve started conversations with thousands of strangers. I’ve also interviewed well over 700 people for my projects (namely a street journalism project and a book).
More importantly, I did all this back in university, when my social anxiety was at its worst. It’s not easy to overcome social anxiety or shyness, but I know firsthand that it’s possible.
In this article, I will share step-by-step how you can talk to strangers on your university or college campus.
How do you start a conversation? (4 easy, proven ways)
Introducing yourself right off the bat can feel daunting. Ease into the conversation with any of the following conversation starters (modify them as you wish):
1. Say hi to your classmates
“Hi! You’re taking this class too?”
Among all the conversation starters I listed here, this is the most effective in my opinion. Why?
a) You’re likely going to spend weeks if not months with your classmates, which means that there’s plenty of opportunity to get to know them
b) You have a variety of “built-in” conversation topics, whether it’s…
- Homework
- Tests/exams
- Your professor or lecturer
2. Ask if they are a student too.
- “Are you a student too?”
- “Do you study here too?”
Out of class? Ask this close-ended question — easy to ask, easy to answer 🙂
If they are a student, you can follow up by sharing that you’re a student too, or asking about what they study, why they chose this school et cetera.
If they aren’t, you can simply share that you’re a student and/or ask “what brings you to this university/college?”
They might turn out to be a family member or friend of a student, which can lead to them introducing you to the said student.
3. Ask for directions.
“Do you know where <a facility/class> is?”
This is a good conversation starter too, since it doesn’t require them to share about themselves just yet.
Even if they have no idea, thank them anyway and end the conversation by saying “see you around!” Why? When you see them next time, you will have an easier time talking to them. Mere-exposure effect ftw!
(You could also transition to introducing “oh, by the way, I’m…”)
4. Give them a compliment.
“I really like <a specific thing about you>!”
Notice if there’s something you like about them. This could be:
- The way they dress
- An item they own e.g. a bracelet
- Their handwriting (mine is an exception…)
Avoid commenting on their appearance, as this might be too personal.
Other tips to make it easier to start a conversation
1. Join a student club or campus event.
Having a common interest will make conversations a lot less stressful. And, students are typically there to socialize. (You know, the whole “single and mingle” thing 🙂
2. Mentor someone (or be a mentee).
There’s usually at least one formal mentorship program for students — whether it’s for first-year students or students from a certain department.
If there’s none whatsoever, email your university/college department and indicate that you’re interested to mentor or be mentored.
3. Meet people off campus.
If you find it hard to have conversations on campus, that’s completely OK — I probably made more friends in my university town than I did in classrooms.
Here are a few options I recommend:
- Volunteer groups
- Hobby groups
- Local events
And if you’re up for a challenge, you can talk to strangers on the street like I did.
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